


Hunger

by FireflyCity



Series: What Makes a Family - Until Dawn Pack Au [3]
Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: AU, Again you can read into them or you could not idk man your call, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Alternate Universe - Wolves, Angst, Ashley-centric, F/F, F/M, Family, Family Dynamics, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Minor Character(s) Death, Minor Violence, Pack AU, Werewolf, Werewolf AU, Werewolf Turning, Wolf AU, Wolf Pack, wolf family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-06-05 11:31:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6702994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireflyCity/pseuds/FireflyCity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coward. That's what she called herself. Always a coward, always running away. Running away from the bloodlust she loved as much as much as she despised. But she couldn't run forever.</p><p>An au where they’re all werewolves and in a pack because I like wolves. Part of my "What Makes a Family - Until Dawn Pack Au" 3/8</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hunger

Oo0oO

_Ashley_

Afterwards, everything was quiet. Afterwards, nothing moved.

Still like gone. Quiet like death. Afterwards, she was alone.

That’s the thing about silence, you’re never prepared for it when it comes. Then it’s every bit as overwhelming as the storm of color and noise that always proceeds it. Suddenly you miss the turmoil, the turmoil you were begging to be free of just moments ago. Life has a weird way of making you regret the things you never expect. To miss the things you were so sure you were ready to lose.

It was late. Wasn’t it always, when these sorts of things happened? Her family had decided to go out for dinner for the first time in forever. It was her brother’s birthday. He was turning 10.

Ashley tried to feign support. She pressed a smile into her lips hard enough to make her cheeks burn. To distract herself. To distract them. She thought if she ignored it long enough it would go away.

 _Rub rub_.

Her fingers ghosted over the wound.

She’d dressed it up properly, or as best she could. It was small. Nothing to complain to her parents about. It annoyed her, sure, but it was no reason to cause a fuss. Nothing to worry about.

 _Rub rub_.

It was stupid how it happened. Ashley thought of it every time she looked back. Some stupid dog who’d wandered in from the woods. Some stupid dog rustling for scraps in their trashcan.

_“Get out of here! Go!”_

Ashley had expected it to run. And then the next thing she knew was the scrape of teeth against her leg.

She kicked it. Hard. It went flying, yelping when it landed before skittering away with a whimper. She almost felt bad for it. Almost.

_Rub rub._

That was hours ago. That should have been the end of it. She _thought_ that was the end of it.

Ashley squirmed in the booth. Was she running a fever? It was hard to tell, the whole place was too damn hot. It was also too loud. The chatter of patrons and too-friendly waiters and bustle of the kitchen staff. _Clang clang clang_. Everything too loud all at once.

Her brother didn’t seem to notice. If anything, he was loving it; hamming it up like usual, grinning his big toothy smile. He laughed at everything and everyone, like the whole world was just a big joke to him. That was the birthday effect. The feeling that, for just today, the world was special. The world was safe. The world was yours.

He’d picked the restaurant himself. A comfy little sit-down place at the far end of town. Ashley bitched about it because she figured she should. That was her job after all, as his older sister. Her parents stuck to their own roles and dragged her along. She pretended to hate the idea.

Ashley couldn’t remember exactly when it started. The discomfort. The blurred vision. The pain. By the time she realized something was wrong it was far too late.

“Ashley, honey, are you okay? You don’t look so good.” It was her mom, doting as usual.

“I’m fine.” Ashley could barely work up the effort necessary to get the words out. Her throat felt like sandpaper. “I just…need a moment.”

She slipped out before they could get a word in edgewise. Past the bustle, the too broad staff with too warm bodies. _Ba-dum. Ba-dum_. Part of her swore she could hear heartbeats.

 _Ba-dum. Ba-dum_. By the time she got outside she could hear her own. _Ba-dum. Ba-dum_.

Her head was spinning, a feeling of dizziness and delirium overtaking her. Ashley felt her knees tremble, her vision shift in an out of focus. And there was the pain. Like lightning underneath her skin, itching to be let out.

There was no doubt about it. Something was wrong. _Very_ wrong. She’d call it sickness, to justify it to herself. But even that didn’t feel right. No cold hit this quickly. Not like this.

Her mind came back to the dog. It must have had rabies. Or worms or…whatever it was. Something infectious. Something powerful. Oh god. Didn’t people die from rabies? What if that’s what it was?

Panic spread through her. She tried to reach for the phone in her pocket. 911. The number was in her head. They would know what to do. They handled cases like this all the time. They could fix her. They could stop this. This feeling. This noise.

Just like that, it slipped through her fingers, hitting the ground with a deafening _thwack_. Ashley shuddered. She bent to pick it up. She missed it once, twice. “Shit.” She cursed. It was her hands, they were trembling like leaves, shaking with pain and exhaustion. She wanted to cry. Ashley thought she might have. Then she heard her name.

“Ashley.”

She looked up in a panic. It was her brother. He’d come out for her, it seemed, ditched his own party to check on her. He wore a frown.

“Alex.” She forced out the name. She didn’t move. She didn’t dare.

She’d always remember how he looked in that moment. So soft, so peaceful, bathed in the pale light that slipped from the windows of the restaurant. His cheeks were pink, laugh lines prominent, memories of happiness painted all over his face. And of course his eyes. Those green green eyes. To this day the deepest shade of green she’d ever seen.

He started to say something. A sentence he’d never finish.

Oo0oO

Ashley thought she’d missed the silence. An hour ago she’d been begging for it. _Anything_ for a moment of peace. _Anything_ to shut him up. And then it came.

Only two things she remembered clearly. The first was the pain. A feeling of being torn apart and put back together again. Limb by limb, bone by bone.

The second was the hunger. Raw, unafraid, unflinching.

The rest happened in a moment. In a blur of color and noise and sound she couldn’t remember if she tried. And then came the silence.

It was only in the silence that she regained her senses. It was in the silence that she noticed the blood. And the body.

A quiet of her own making. A stillness she’d been begging for.

And then came the scream.

Oo0oO

For days they chased her. Past the city limits, out over the country. With dogs and cars and guns. Ashley had half a mind to let them catch her.

But she couldn’t stop. Every time she tried _it_ kicked in again. Then there was no stopping. There was no stopping _her_.

They relented, eventually. The men and their guns. And just like that she was alone. And so returned the quiet.

Except quiet wasn’t quiet anymore. Not when her hearing was 16 times sharper. When she could hear the heartbeat of every living thing like rolling thunder. _Ba-dum. Ba-dum_. Begging to be ripped apart. Every twitched whisker, every rustle of fur haunted her dreams. No matter how hard she tried the hunger wouldn’t go away. There was no blocking it out, not when the entire forest sang of wild, hot-blooded things.

Transforming helped. Like throwing a blanket on top of a fire. Being human made it easier to forget, disconnected her from _it_. But she could never fight it long. The hunger.

Ashley didn’t dare venture back into civilization. She wasn’t sure she could handle being amongst that many warm bodies. Not again. Not ever. Furthermore, she was plagued by the fear they would recognize her. They’d try to send her home. Or, if they knew, put her down.

That’s what you did with wild animals, wasn’t it? Put them down? Out of your hair and out of their misery? Part of her wanted to let them.

But _it_ wouldn’t. The _wolf_ would never let her.

God, Ashley hated it. For weeks she wouldn’t even look at herself transformed. When she finally did, it only terrified her. She looked how she felt – dangerous. Her teeth were daggers in her behind black lips, claws made for tearing skin. Her fur was thick, prone to poking out at every angle without regard for others. Thick and red. Like blood.

Ashley hated everything about it.

But there was no denying the wolf. It was a part of her, as a part of her as her own arm. And it was there. Always. She couldn’t forget about it even if she tried, and no one would let her.

She was alone in the woods for a long time, but not always. Occasionally, in passing, she saw others. Others like her. Those with the blood of both wolves and humans. Ashley didn’t know what to expect from them. Sympathy maybe. But even that was too much to ask for.

“Greenie. She-wolf.” They spat the words at her through barred teeth.

Somehow, that made a difference to them. Ashley thought to stand up for herself. The wolf in her told her to. But then, she couldn’t. _Coward_. That’s the one she spat at herself. Always a coward, always running away. Running away from the bloodlust she loved as much as much as she despised.

That’s how it started too, the smell of blood. It was close, smelled fresh, it woke her from her sleep. She half thought she dreamt it, until suddenly she was tasting it on the air. And then she was running. Then there was no going back.

Oo0oO

Ashley was on her feet in a heartbeat. In the next she was running. _Ba-dum Ba-dum_. Its own feeble heartbeat matched the rhythm of her paws in the snow. It had probably injured itself, no hunter in their right mind would think to leave perfectly good prey to bleed out like that. _Ba-dum ba-dum_. A beacon in the dark of night. The hunger, the bloodlust that could drive her over a hundred miles. The one that terrified her as much as it excited her. _Ba-dum. Ba-dum_.

Ashley reached the clearing just a moment too late. _Snap_. The creature’s neck broke, heartbeat fluttering once before dying out. But the kill wasn’t hers.

Before her stood a wolf like her, female, with thick dark fur and eyes yellow like the moon. Laying eyes on Ashley, she smiled. “Hello greenie.”

She should have ran. That’s what Ashley rationed, looking back at the moment. She had every other time. She should have ran and ran and never looked back. Because that’s what she was good at.

But this time it was different. This time she hadn’t gotten a real meal in the last 2 days. This time the taste of blood was in her lungs and in her mouth. All she knew was the kill. The hunger.

Ashley heard them. All three of them. The she-wolf before her, the two others circling around behind her. She didn’t stand a chance. Her heart was racing, telling her to do the same.

She attacked before she could stop herself.

Oo0oO

“Stay back!” It was a male voice, it sounded close.

Ashley tried to open her eyes. All she could see was the red of her own blood.

In a panic, Ashley struggled to her feet. Or at least, she tried to. The pain weighed her down, her back left leg buckling under the weight of her own body as soon as she tried to stand. In her mouth was the taste of blood and snow, coppery and cold. It was a taste like fear.

“Don’t move.” Another male voice, young and flighty, assured her. “Stay still and you’ll be alright.”

Ashley would have liked to believe it. Around her, she could hear the sounds of battle. Angry barks, the scrape of paws scattering snow as each opponent tried to gain an advantage. In her mind echoed the tear of flesh, by tooth or by claw, the snapping of jaws like gunshots in the clearing. If anyone was winning, or losing, it was impossible to tell.

And of course, there was the smell of blood. Thick and heavy, all fresh. For the first time, the smell made her sick.

She passed out.

Oo0oO

When Ashley woke, the blood-splattered clearing was gone; the battle and the cold all left behind somewhere far away. She woke up inside somewhere, in human form. Around her, there were others her age. Others like her, those both half-wolf and half-human. Immediately she knew, they saved her life.

A boy named Matt, who Ashley instantly recognized as the flighty one from before, told her so in no uncertain terms. That they’d saved her life. More accurately, Sam and Chris had. She glanced toward them, across the room. Both blonde, wearing warm, though tired smiles. Ashley wondered off-handedly if they were related.

Beyond Matt, Ashley, and Chris, there was only one other, a young dark-haired boy named Josh. He was the only one among them who was anything but amiable. She’d learn later it was just his tendency to be nervous.

“Where am I?” She pushed the words out of her cracking throat.

“Lodge, higher up the mountain.” It was Sam who answered, the level ease in her response implying she did this often. Even with her own, flawed understanding of wolf packs, Ashley would wager a guess – Sam was the leader. “It’s our pack’s homebase.”

Ashley shifted slightly on her makeshift bed, which she now recognized to be a living room couch. It was red. “Then why did you bring me here?” Ashley couldn’t help it, she trembled ever so slightly.

“You were dying?” It was Matt who spoke, his patience, for some reason, seemingly worn thin.

“Matt.” Sam shot him a look.

“Sorry.” He backed off.

“He’s not wrong though.” The other blonde, Chris, chuckled. “You got scraped up pretty bad back there. If we hadn’t arrived when we did…” He shook his head.

Sam frowned. “Why were those she-wolves attacking you anyways?”

Ashley felt the lie reach her lips almost before she could stop herself. _Almost_. She squirmed. “I stole their prey. Or…I…I tried to it. It was my fault, they only attacked because I provoked them.”

All eyes turned to Sam, who, consequently, had put a hand under her chin. Ashley had half a mind to regret saying it. But it was the truth. It was the smell of the kill, the smell of blood. Ashley winced at the very thought.

Sam considered her a moment, looking over the red-head curiously. Chris looked nervous. Matt just looked annoyed. Josh looked at Sam. Eventually, Sam’s hand lowered, and she turned her head to the side.

“When’s the last time you ate?”

The question surprised Ashley. She guessed 3 days. And really, that was that.

For the next week, Ashley was fussed over almost nonstop. Josh and Chris were especially clingy, hardly leaving her side until she could assure them with 100% confidence that she was alright. They treated her wounds, kept her fed, made sure she rested, doted like mothers over a newborn. It was endearing in its own sort of way.

“Don’t mind them.” Sam smirked in their direction, leaning slyly one day against the side of the couch. “Those dorks are just happy to have another girl in the pack.”

“ _In_ the pack?” Ashley echoed, eyes widening slightly. It was the one thing they hadn’t talked about, at least not openly. Her joining. Some of the guys seemed to think she was a part already, by the way they treated her. But Sam was the one making final calls. Ashley hadn’t been sure they even wanted her in.

Sam, meanwhile, shrugged. “You seem nice enough. And they all like you. If you want to be, you’re in.”

“But what about-” Ashley stopped herself. What about the hunger. It had been a week since she came to the cabin. A week since she’d transformed. She doubted it was gone. And she doubted she could control it again.

Sam considered her for a moment, then her gaze shifted far away. “It’s okay.”

“What?” Ashley stopped cold.

“I know what you’re thinking. What you’re afraid of.”

Ashley felt her eyes widen. There was no way she knew. She couldn’t have. “What I’m afraid of?”

Sam didn’t look at her. “I saw the beginning of that fight. With the she-wolves. I saw you. Saw the hunger.”

Ashley held her breath.

“You’re right to be afraid of it. Misunderstanding often does that.”

Ashley shivered. So there was no hiding it. Not anymore at least. But if Sam knew what it was… Ashley tried for answers. “But…what is it? Is it like…some sort of wolf disease? Can we cure it?” She hurled the questions in rapid succession. It was just her luck. To get bitten by a werewolf and on top of that contract some weird wolf disease. Just her luck.

“Disease?” Sam looked back at her, and Ashley was surprised to find amusement there. “No, nothing like that.”

“Then…”

“The hunger is part of being a wolf.”

“What?” Ashley stopped cold.

Sam nodded. “I’ve got it, Chris, Matt, and Josh have it, the she-wolves you fought with earlier have it. It’s in our blood, in our instincts as werewolves.”

“That’s…no that…can’t be possible.” Ashley shook her head. “Then I can’t get rid of it? I have to live like _this_ forever?” Her whole body began to shake. Her mind raced back to that night, the night of her transformation. The color and noise, the terrifying silence that followed. The blood. The pattern repeated in every kill she made since.

“Yes. And no.” Sam looked off again. “The hunger is something that’s a part of all wolves. It’s what makes us such successful hunters, gives swiftness to our kills and honor to our battles. But it’s not something that rules over us. It’s a tool that makes it possible for us to survive.”

Ashley started. A tool? Something like that? It couldn’t be. Not for her at least. Not for her. She couldn’t control it on the night she turned, she couldn’t control it now. It was no tool for her, it was a curse.

“But what if I can’t control it? I mean, God knows I’ve been trying. But what if I just can’t?” Tears began to spill down her cheeks.

“You can.” Sam flashed her a smile.

“But what if I can’t?” Ashley was sobbing. “What if I never could? I’m not a born wolf like you and Josh and Chris, I can’t do this! I can’t control this…this hunger this animal! Sam I was a human! I had a life! And now I- I-”

Before she knew what was happening, Sam had pulled her into a hug. Ashley couldn’t help herself, she broke. Before she knew it she was wailing, sobbing, crying harder than she had in months. Years. Her entire life maybe. She cried for her brother. The brother she killed. She cried for her mom, her dad. Who in one night had lost both a son and daughter. She cried for her friends, for her home, for her life, for herself. She cried for the wolf, the one she kicked that day so long ago. She cried for the hunger. The rage, the bloodlust. The instincts she followed blindly to the edge of the Earth, so far from home. She cried to think she could end it. She cried because she realized, since the day she turned she’d been running. She’d hidden her shame behind accusation, blaming the wolf, the hunger, the world, for her miseries. But in the end, all of it had been her. She cried for ever thinking it hadn’t been.

Sam eventually pulled back, took her hand, told her everything would be fine.

For the first time in forever, Ashley agreed.

Across the room, in hushed conversation, Ashley heard Chris ask if she’d be alright.

“She will be.” Sam nodded.

And she was.

Oo0oO

**Author's Note:**

> Alternative title for this chapter is "An exploration in onomatopoeia". Well...not really. But given the amount I use you would think so.  
> Part 3/8. Thank you all for reading. And I'll see you in the next story!


End file.
